There's really not much more to say. Except thank you, Justin Timberlake.
The Bible of a Low-life 1:1 "Remove thyself from the spirit of God and continually break the commandments. For if thou wanderest too close to the light of righteousness, ye shall be doomed to suffer an eternity in the depths of heaven."
My dad: "I'm getting ready for your visit; what do the kids like to eat?" Me: "Anything that doesn't happen to be in the house when they're hungry."
Huh. I just texted me husband: "Can you have the kids ready to go in 20 minutes?" Apparently, I understand what it's like to be a white male. And kind of a dick.
The sarcasm is strong with one, folks. You have been warned. God. Fucking. Christ. Sometimes it doesn't seem like things can get any better. And by better, I mean really, really fucking awful. Let's start with the yard. Oh dear Lord, the yard. People, if you ever buy a house brand new off the shelf, … Continue reading How’s That for a Shit Week?
And now we know why I'm so goddamn creative.
I sat down at the table with my slice of triple berry pie. Mmmmmmm my favorite. I took a bite of the beautiful deliciousness and stared out the window. Winter was finally fading to Spring - or at least it appeared to be. You never can tell in Denver. But I pushed the thought away … Continue reading Get InSIDE Me HEAD Part II
Dick, That sounds wonderful!!!! That is literally how the email I just wrote started. (Yes, I am immature when I drink)
Somebody let me out; I'm stuck in your phone!!! Can someone break the glass? Get one of those axe thingies over by the fire extinguisher! Pleeeeeeaaaase?!?! I HATE IT IN HERE!! There's nothing but filth, you fucking porn addict! Hello?? Anyone there? Where's the doorbell on this thing?? If you're not … Continue reading HEEEEEEEELP!! I’M STUCK!
Trauma + Time = Comedy - Steve Allen, Actor, TV Personality In my experience, this is the closest thing to truth I've ever found.