"I want gas prices to be less like grad student GPAs and more like students on academic probation..." - My friend Greg
My dad: "I'm getting ready for your visit; what do the kids like to eat?" Me: "Anything that doesn't happen to be in the house when they're hungry."
Huh. I just texted me husband: "Can you have the kids ready to go in 20 minutes?" Apparently, I understand what it's like to be a white male. And kind of a dick.
And now we know why I'm so goddamn creative.
I sat down at the table with my slice of triple berry pie. Mmmmmmm my favorite. I took a bite of the beautiful deliciousness and stared out the window. Winter was finally fading to Spring - or at least it appeared to be. You never can tell in Denver. But I pushed the thought away … Continue reading Get InSIDE Me HEAD Part II
Dick, That sounds wonderful!!!! That is literally how the email I just wrote started. (Yes, I am immature when I drink)
Somebody let me out; I'm stuck in your phone!!! Can someone break the glass? Get one of those axe thingies over by the fire extinguisher! Pleeeeeeaaaase?!?! I HATE IT IN HERE!! There's nothing but filth, you fucking porn addict! Hello?? Anyone there? Where's the doorbell on this thing?? If you're not … Continue reading HEEEEEEEELP!! I’M STUCK!
Trauma + Time = Comedy - Steve Allen, Actor, TV Personality In my experience, this is the closest thing to truth I've ever found.
"Have a seat, Naomi, we have a couple of projects to review." I plant myself in the conference room chair directly across from her, straightening my back and smiling like I would if I had a fucking clue what I was doing. She continues. "First things, first: I want to tell you want a great … Continue reading GET inSIDE me HEAD part I