I'm sorry you're missing the hot steamy sex You never got from this once puritanical ex I'm sorry you couldn't handle my stubborn ways Because now that shit earns me a fucking good wage I'm sorry I stepped on your toes with my brain I couldn't fake dumb; I take the blame I'm sorry I … Continue reading To My Mormon Exes
Fuck renewable energy...what about renewable time??
Huh. I just texted me husband: "Can you have the kids ready to go in 20 minutes?" Apparently, I understand what it's like to be a white male. And kind of a dick.
I'm pouting. Kindle Scout decided not to publish my book. Phooey. So back to the grindstone. I've already been through a host of literary agents and no takers though it's on to the new frontier again: self-publishing! And even though I'm being a little bitch about this, the truth is, I'm excited. I'm very excited … Continue reading Kindle Scout is a Big Fat Jerk
Having kids is like injecting yourself with an 18 year strain of mono.
I really want to write something profound... ...but i got nothin'. So instead, I'm going to picture all my readers naked. HaHa! You're naked - neener, neener, neener!
Sometimes I go too far. Sometimes I get a little over enthusiastic. I want people to open up to me. I want them to spill their deepest darkest secrets. I want them to rip their bodies open so I can climb in and cuddle their organs and suck their blood. But maybe not everyone wants … Continue reading You’re Basically Fucked
"I'd better eat the rest of these cupcakes or my kids will eat them and get sick". Free excuses available today! Just call 1-800-IWannaFuckingOverIndulgeGodDamnit