I Keep Trying to Go to Bed Early

I keep trying to go to bed early – like, 9:30 or 10pm. My goal this week was to back off the late nights because it was making me crabby and I was waking up exhausted.

Ahhhhhhhhhh precious sleep.

But it’s more of a challenge than I thought. Because even though we get the kids to bed by 8, they usually don’t fall asleep until at least 9 and then I can usually get my workout started by 9:30 which means I’m done by 10:15 at the earlier and let’s face it: once I’m on that pole, it’s not easy to get me off!

No pun intended (Jesus Christ, Jayne…)

But that’s not all. The other thing is that after dark, after bedtime, after the evening quiets down and most of the world is asleep, that’s when the magic happens. That’s when my most creative moments come to life, when I feel most able to access the realm of fantasy and imagination. Tonight I was going to go bed at 9:15, but stayed up to work on a pole routine I’d been daydreaming about all day and it was maybe one of the most awesome routines I’ve done so far (you’ll see it soon). So full of feeling. And then I wrote a poem, made a necklace, thought up an incredible idea to expand the routine by cutting it with some other elements and exploring even deeper themes.

And now I’m writing this blog post at 11:15pm!!

Why can’t these things happen during the day? Oh yeah, work, kids, responsibility…so what am I to do? I hate to give up this incredibly valuable time and these amazing moments of inspiration and expression but I also hate to give up my sleep. Because my kids and husband have to pay for the latter!

What’s the solution? My practical brain tells me I ought to switch off – a few days staying up late and a few going to bed early. But I don’t know that my body will easily adjust to that. And every night at 9pm, I know I’m going to feel the itch. The need to be expressive. It’s so relaxing, so rejuvenating, it makes me feel alive. I’m starting to think I’m addicted.

What would you do?

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