Fluttershy…

You’re all gonna think I’m weird. But it’s my blog so I’m gonna try not to care about that, lol.

My daughter and son have been obsessed with My Little Pony lately. They watch the same battle of the bands movie over and over and over and over and over to the point where I think my husband might ban MLP altogether if they don’t stop.

I don’t mind it. I enjoy good storytelling and the characters, though a bit typical, are interesting.

I found myself more intrigued than usual today when I saw a scene in the movie where the “ponies” (they are actually human in this movie) are all arguing and Fluttershy starts crying and runs off the stage.

Boy did that sound familiar.

If I had access to them at the moment, I’d post more than a few home videos of me doing the exact same thing as a child. I’ve grown out of that these days, of course, but God do I HATE arguing and I hate conflict especially at high volumes. It’s actually taken me a while to get to the point where I realize that part of me hasn’t changed. I tolerate it better, I can be more adult about it, but I’ve also realized that this is me – I’ll never enjoy arguing, and no matter who is in front of me, I’ll always seek common ground, try to find the good, and I’ll probably always give in too often for the sake of my own peace of mind.

Learning more about Fluttershy’s character gives me confidence in this realm. Because one struggle I’m finding with modern life as a woman is there is a shit ton of pressure to stand up for myself, to be louder, to not shrink, to stomp my feet and stand my ground and tell people to fuck off.

Sorry, not my way.

I get that it’s not very feminist, that doesn’t make me a “strong” woman, but that’s not how I function. Feel free to blame it on social conditioning, but I will always find my own less conflict-ridden way of dealing with problems. I will get hurt, I will shrink into my hole for a while, I will find my own way of handling it, and it will almost always be more passive, more tear-filled, more calm than your average Joe.

So I’m feeling some connection to Fluttershy for this reason. She is deeply sensitive and, even though it drives her friends crazy sometimes in the show, they make it “okay” to be this way.

I thought this photo I found expressed my feelings on who I am quite well:

fluttershy_by_kawaiipony2-daldigr

I stay standing, I don’t run from the rain, but I don’t fight it either. I can’t control other people and I hate the idea of even trying. They will be who they are, and I will be who I am. And I think there’s some wisdom in the way Fluttershy – and my younger self – runs away when too much chaos and conflict arise. If that is a scenario we simply cannot tolerate, why should we be forced to? Why can’t we just leave? Why can’t we demand that we won’t participate until others can communicate in a way we can hear? Why do we have to value standing up for ourselves or others over our own peace of mind? To me, peace of mind should always come first.

This is part of the reason I’ve backed off of Facebook, especially in politically troubling times. I can’t handle the conflict. It’s too stressful, and I’m learning to value my peace of mind and sense of comfort, especially in situations where I have no control.

I also like this image of Fluttershy. Because another interesting aspect of her character is that when she feels something she values is threatened – or when she’s driven too far over the edge – she becomes a force to be reckoned with.

mlp_fim___fluttershy_bat_attack_v_1_by_joakaha-d843n36

I like the dynamics they play with with this character – there are times when she steps up, there are times when she is quietly assertive, there are times when she has a stern hand. She is not a doormat, and frankly, it’s great to see a show that doesn’t depict sensitive people this way.

We handle our shit our own way, Fluttershy and I. And we’ll probably always catch grief for it. But I reserve the right to not give a fuck.

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