Maybe Music Isn’t Meant for Me

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
– Fake Buddha

I’ve been giving this some extensive thought lately. Not so much the first part of the quote, but the last part. 

I grew up with music – playing it, writing it, performing it. I always assumed music was my future, particularly composition and I even studied Music Composition my first three years of college. 

Then I went abroad for a couple of years, got married, got practical and completed my undergrad in marketing (which I don’t regret for a minute). I was a working woman for several years, then had kids with plans to be a SAHM. That did NOT work so I went on to be a working mom. No regrets there either.

But something about the music thing always nagged me. I was so passionate about it at one point in time. I loved it more than anything. And every career book in the world will tell you that what you loves when you were young is a hint to what you should do with your life. 

So I’ve tried to dabble back in it several times. I did a musical, wrote some songs, tried to put together a gigging group or two to perform them. 

It’s never really worked. I’ve never been able to keep up with it and I rarely have the energy to put in the effort it takes to write and record something. Not to mention that there seem to be few people interested in it. 

A couple of years ago, my sister suggested I try writing. Not music, but fiction. I had done that a few times as a kid. I remember fondly taking a creative writing class in high school. Every week we had to write a poem anonymously and then we’d break up into groups and each group would pick the one they liked the best. I won. Every. Week. 

But it didn’t stick. Until a couple years ago, I gave it the old college try again. It’s not that I never wrote – I’m in marketing for gods sake, writing is in my job description! But I’d never focused on it. I’d never sat down and wrote something thinking I might be able to teach someone something they never knew or make them cry. 

So I did. I started a story – or continued a story I started a long time ago. It’s still not done, but then I started another and another. And ideas started coming like crazy. Couldn’t keep up with all of them. 

And I still haven’t stopped. Two years later and I barely take a break from writing. People even pay me to do it now – not creative writing, of course (ha! Who is lucky enough to get paid for that??), but I get paid well to wrote blog posts, white papers, and edit other people’s shit. 

I have finished a novel. There’s not a publisher or literary agent who is interested in it, but it’s done. I never finished any music album I started. I have an email list of 100 people who anxiously anticipate new chapters of a romantic comedy novel I’m working on. 

I’m not saying I’m a success; far from it. But just the fact that people READ what I wrote, even if it’s only a few, is miles above what I expected. I’ve never gotten so many people to listen to or appreciate my music. 

They say when you find the thing that fits, success tends to come rather quickly. I would say that for what I consider success – there are people who truly love my writing; not a lot, but they’re out there – that’s happening. I get comments every week on my writing. My ghostwriting gets published under the names of executives. Oddly, though, the latter, which I get paid for, doesn’t mean near as much to me as the few comments I get from dedicated readers. 

What’s my point with all this rambling? I was supposed to be a musician. I was going to compose for movies. That idea has never left. But that idea never got me anywhere either. 

Maybe I’ll never make a dime off creative writing. But I do it. Almost every day. I don’t even have to try. I need it. I need it to breath, to be healthy. It makes life magical with a million possibilities. 

So maybe, just maybe, despite what I once believed….

Music was never meant for me. 

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4 thoughts on “Maybe Music Isn’t Meant for Me

  1. It’s so hard to let go of what you think was supposed to come to fruition!! I am the same way with writing as you are with music. But I just can’t let it go. Ugh I need to write! It’s like I have this brick inside of my head that’s preventing me from doing it. I think I have actually become too “Type A” personality that I’m uncomfortable starting anything, if that makes sense. Bleh. My friend gave me a 300 page manuscript to edit, so I’m going to do that. Maybe editing someone else’s work will help me get past the fear of starting something that’s not perfect, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It took me a LONG time to start writing again too. I think where you’re at in your life plays a role too – who knows, maybe the call of music will come back to me someday, but right now and I have to pick and choose. I don’t have time to pursue both music and writing!! It is really hard to get motivated to do creative things, I think, especially when you have nowhere to put it or display it or show it off. Writing tends to just sit there. It’s one of the reasons I write FanFiction. Fanfic readers are insanely attentive and loyal and give comments and support quite regularly. It’s great for motivation!

      Editing is a great way forward too!!! My perfectionism gets me too. With how much time creating music requires, I have to put a lot of effort into getting myself to do it. Writing is a *little easier because it’s less time intensive, but even then, I didn’t get back on the road until a few years ago.

      You can do it!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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