Does Anyone ACTUALLY Know How to Sell a F*king E-Book?

I admit, I’m a little cranky today. I’ve spent months now all over that crazy thing they call the Internet: buying Fiverr gigs, watching YouTube videos, reading blog posts, buying the occasional “How to Sell Your Kindle e-book” e-book and… Well, the results are fucking frustrating. 

I mean, the market is saturated beyond belief, more than half of the books on Amazon are complete crap that reads like an 8-year-old who still hasn’t taken a grammar class, and most of the advice out there on how to stand out is either:

1) uber-repetitive. Yeah, ok, enough about SEO and social media and building email lists blah blah blah. I’m doing all of that but it takes YEARS to build a following so I’m kind of at the point where I can do nothing but wait. 

2) Useless. 

3) Contradictory. 

As per number three, all I’m saying is that everyone has a different method by which they achieved best-seller or making-enough-to-live-on status and none of those strategies work for anyone else. In fact, the only consistent strategy I’ve seen is the one employed by the authors of Fifty Shades of Grey and The Martian – just be a lover of writing, do it for fun, and maybe in ten years or so you’ll have a big enough following to start publishing for real. 

Okay, so what’s so bad about that? Am I looking for an overnight solution? Maybe. Maybe I’m caught in the same web as a billion, trillion, ka-jillion other would-be authors who think that if the writing is good, the rest should come easy. But I’ve never been a big believer in overnight success, I just think the world of publishing is so confusing these days. Most people will say traditional publishing is dead, but sometimes it seems like the only way to get any kind of following! And self-publishing is great if you’re excited to have your mom, your sister, and your BFF buy and read your book because that’s as good as it will get. 

I guess all I’m saying is, this sucks. And please, please don’t EVER under ANY circumstances start a video, blog post, or book about selling books with “All you have to do..”

“All I have to do” is tell you to go fuck your self because either you’re a fraud who is inflating your numbers or you’re one of the few who made it and, you know what? I don’t think any of you lucky mother-fuckers actually have a clue how you did it! I think the algorithm is nuanced and complicated and nobody knows shit. 

So there. 

Now buy my fucking romance novel. 

*drops mic and walks away

4 thoughts on “Does Anyone ACTUALLY Know How to Sell a F*king E-Book?

  1. Pingback: 8 Reasons Not To Write A Book | Writers of the Rain

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